When one is a full time caregiver in an acute situation…like I have been recently with my husband, who uses a wheelchair, who has gone through shoulder surgery this past fall. We are still recovering. It’s intense. He is very disciplined but exhausted from staying at home, staying in bed, thanking morning caregivers but just wanting a day to sleep in…wanting to drive out on his own… “Soon,” I say. “And I’m proud of you for healing so well, dear.” We catch a rest when we can. But we need to be easy on ourselves about the usual household tasks…
It’s not important if the forks are all in the right drawer slot. Some spoons spill over.
It’s not critical to recycle or use everything efficiently. If there’s one more scoop of rice protein in the jar, I’m throwing it away right now just to get it off my counter.
I could have gotten one more wear out of that shirt, but I’m just adding it to the laundry and washing it today, so it’s out of the way. I could have washed those dishes by hand, but I used the dishwasher and I’m not ashamed to use a little more water today, to take a little longer hot shower today.
It’s not the priority to get everything handled.
The priority is to be present, to mourn, to cry, to tell the truth, to breathe, to ask “why?” and let it go unanswered for now, to acknowledge that this path of caregiving is hard. It’s challenging. It’s heart-breaking.
And that this too shall pass.
The bad day will pass. The grief will pass, and joy will come in the morning. The condition of “no answers” will evolve into some kind of answers.
I have a caregiver book that can make the load lighter while you’re in the thick of it with your family member, partner, or friend with dementia, with the tears and confusion and sadness alongside the rays of sunshine that peek through. May it be true for you, fellow caregiver.
Take care, and stay in touch,
Tryn Rose Seley,
Author, 15 Minutes of Fame: One Photo Does Wonders To Bring You Both Back to Solid Ground at www.caregiverheart.comPurchase PDF version of 15 Minutes of Fame
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