When one is a full time caregiver in an acute situation…
It’s not important if the forks are all in the right drawer slot. Some spoons spill over.
It’s not critical to recycle or use everything efficiently. If there’s one more scoop of rice protein in the jar, I’m throwing it away right now just to get it off my counter. If I could have gotten one more wear out of that shirt, I’m just adding it to the laundry and washing it today, so it’s out of the way. I could have washed those dishes by hand, but I used the dishwasher and I’m not ashamed to use a little more water today, to take a little longer hot shower today.
It’s not the priority to get everything handled.
The priority is to be present, to mourn, to cry, to tell the truth, to breathe, to ask “why?” and let it go unanswered for now, to acknowledge that this path is hard. It’s challenging. It’s heart-breaking.
And that this too shall pass.
The bad day will pass. The grief will pass, and joy will come in the morning. The condition of “no answers” will evolve into some kind of answers.
I have a caregiver book that can make the load lighter while you’re in the thick of it, with the tears and confusion and sadness alongside the rays of sunshine that peek through. May it be true for you, fellow caregiver.